I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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