There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
