I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
