I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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