after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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