how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
