i just had sex bonerless
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
