I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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