I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize