Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
