So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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