evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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