Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
