The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
