rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
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