Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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