Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
