I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
