You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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