there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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