That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
