Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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