btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize