clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
