this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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