ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Nicole vs. Life
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
