Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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