I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
