I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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