He uses pillows to masturbate.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
