She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
