He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We talked him into tasing himself.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
