This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
