you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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