she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize