i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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