Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
