I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
