It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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