i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
