I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
