Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
