When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
