nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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