the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
