i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
