Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
