Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
