Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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