I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
