Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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