I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
