wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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