Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
