so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
