i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
