She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you win again, gameday.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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