I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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