Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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