Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
