Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Girls should come with a carfax report
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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