I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
