i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
