On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
