Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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