It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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