that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
