420 ftw
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
