PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
