Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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